The Worrier’s Guidelines
By Tina Tessina
What we usually call worry is a continuous thought that keeps interrupting your mode of thought and that you find it hard to get away from. If it’s continuous and not focused on any one thing, we tend to call it anxiety. Worry drains and wastes your energy and makes you less likely to make good decisions. If you take that same energy you’re using running around in mental circles, and you do something productive with it, it’ll serve you better.
Late Night worry: Get out of the habit of using your brain as a memo pad. The best sleep aid I know is a pencil and paper by your bed to write down whatever is bugging you. If you’re worried about forgetting something, write it down. If you’re anxious about something you have to do, organize it with a written plan or checklist.
“What if” Worry. Fretting about what might happen? Figure out what you would do in case the hypothetical disaster occurs. Answer the what if” question factually. “What if I forget Susie’s Dr. Appointment?” Answer: “I’ve got a lot to do. I’ll start carrying a calendar with everything marked on it.”
Endless Replay Worry. If you regret something you said or something that happened, then figure out how you could handle that situation better next time. Practice it over and over until you feel confident you know what you’re doing. Obsessive thinking is common. If it’s interfering with your ability to function, get help. If obsessive thinking keeps you from leaving the house or working productively, or if you’re sleeping all the time, or not sleeping well, or it’s disrupting your relationships, then consult a trained therapist. As emotional problems go, obsessive thinking is simple to fix.
I often find myself worrying about a future I can’t predict, or things I haven’t done. Worry saps energy, and accomplishes nothing, so I’ve developed a method of dealing with worry that you might find helpful, especially when you cant sleep or if you’re anxious. Whenever you’re worried, follow these simple steps:
This exercise is especially effective when you can’t sleep or when you experience anxiety attacks. If you worry a lot, or obsessively think about future events and problems when you should be concentrating on other things, follow these simple steps:
1. Write it down. If you’re feeling anxious or worried, or you can’t stop thinking about some event that hasn’t happened yet, take a few moments to write down whatever is worrying you. If you can’t write it down, think it through carefully until you can clearly say what you’re worrying about. Clarifying your worries will stop the free-floating sensation of anxiety with no basis.
2. Evaluate. Think about the first item on your list. Ask yourself “Is there anything I can do about it now?” If you’re at home and worrying about the office, or if the problem won’t occur until next week or next year, you may not be able to do anything about it right now. Or, you may be worrying about a problem you can do something about, such as calling someone, or getting an estimate of costs, or making a doctor’s appointment to check out a worrisome symptom.
3. Do Something. If there is something you can do, do it. Sometimes, worry is a way to procrastinate. Often, worry is a way to keep a mental list going, as in “I’m worried that I’ll forget to bring the slides for the presentation tomorrow.”
If you’re worried that you may be fired, update your resume and call some agencies. You don’t have to take another job, but if there’s a real problem you’ll be prepared. If you’re at work worrying and about cooking dinner when you get home, write down a menu or a list of ingredients.
If you’re worried about a health problem, look up the illness or injury on the Internet, or call your doctor and ask some questions. If you’re worrying about how your presentation will go at work tomorrow, go over your notes and lay out your clothes for the morning.
Here’s an example: If you’re worried that the roof may leak the next time it rains, start making a list about what you can do about it. Your inner dialog may sound like this:
“The news said it was going to rain next week. I’m worried that the roof might leak.”:
“Call a roofing company and have them look at it.”
“I’m worried that a roofing company will charge me more than they should because I don’t know how much it should cost.”
“Call my brother, (or my neighbor, or my friend) who had his roof done, and ask him what it costs, and also if he liked the contractor he used.”
“Okay.”
When you reach this “okay”, it’s time to make the call, or, if it’s too late at night, make a note to call the next day.
4. Distract Yourself. When you’ve done what you can, or made your lists or notes, then distract yourself: Get busy doing something else, or read, or take a walk or a bath. Repeat the above steps every time you catch yourself worrying.
Author Bio:
Tina B. Tessina, Ph.D. http://www.tinatessina.com is a licensed psychotherapist in S. California, with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 11 books, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page); How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free (New Page); The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again (Wiley) and The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs (New Page.) Her newest books, out from Adams Press in 2008: Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage and Commuter Marriage. She publishes Happiness Tips from Tina, an e-mail newsletter, and the “Dr. Romance Blog” http://drromance.typepad.com/dr_romance_blog and has hosted “The Psyche Deli: delectable tidbits for the subconscious” a weekly hour long radio show. She is an online expert, answering relationship questions at http://www.CouplesCompany.com and Yahoo! Personals, as well as a Redbook Love Network expert and “Psychology Smarts” columnist for First for Women.Dr. Tessina guests frequently on radio, and on such TV shows as “Oprah”, “Larry King Live” and ABC news
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